joke joke joke

>The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working
at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied
Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the
corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became
so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for
his birthday."
>The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride
and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight
school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the
company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that
he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."
>The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the
best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own
construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away
something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday:
"A 30,000 square foot mansion."
>The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth
returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the
congratulations for?"
>One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for
the successes of our sons. ..What about your son?"
>The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as
a stripper at a nightclub."
The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment."
>The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed.
He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either.
His birthday was two weeks ago and he received a beautiful 30,000
square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes
from his three boyfriends."

May 3 koweefayvfor na naging hunters ang nahuli ng mga cannibals sa gubat.
dinala sila sa harap ng
tribal chief para siya ang pupugot ng ulo. nagmakaawa
yung mga hunters.
naawa naman yung chief.
Chief: sige hindi namin kayo papatayin, sa isang
kondisyon. kailangan
isa-isa kayong mangolekta ng 10 pirasong prutas.
dalhin nyo iyon dito at
saka ko sasabihin ang sunod nyong gagawin.
naghiwa-hiwalay ang tatlong magkakaibigan. unang
dumating si TonTon,
dala-dala'y 10 oranges.
Chief: ngayon, ipasok mo ang lahat ng mga prutas na
iyan sa iyong puwet.
kailangan ay hindi magbabago ang mukha mo. konting
ngiwi o ngiti lang ay
pupugutan ka agad namin ng ulo.
unang orange pa lang ang pinapasok ay napa-sigaw agad
si TonTon. agad
siyang pinugutan ng ulo. sunod na dumating ay si Juan,
dala-dala'y 10
lansones. tuwang-tuwa siya ng in-explain sa kanya nung
Chief kung ano ang
kailangan nyang gawin.
Juan: sus! sisiw lang pala. kayang-kaya! buti na lang
maliit na prutas ang
kino-lekta ko.
naipasok ni Juan ang mga lansones sa kanyang puwit ng
walang problema.
ngunit nung asa pang-10 prutas na siya, bigla siyang
napatawa. pugot-ulo
agad si Chief.
pagkamatay ay napunta agad si Juan sa langit kung saan
nakita niya si
TonTon. nagkausap ang dalawa.
TonTon: sayang Juan! pinapanood kita dito sa langit
habang ginagawa mo yung
utos. isang lansones na lang hindi mo pa tiniis! buhay
ka pa sana ngayon.
ano bang nangyari sayo?
Juan: pare, ang dali-dali ngang ipasok nung mga
lansones. kaso, nung
matatapos na ako bigla kong nakita si pareng Mari --
may dala-dalang 10
langka!

Pag dating ni TonTon sa bahay, sabi ni Babi, ang asawa niya, "Sweetheart, delayed ako ng isang buwan. Kagagaling ko lang sa doktor. Pero huwag mong sabihin kahit kanino, baka mapahiya lang ako kapag di nagkatotoo"
Kinaumagahan, merong dumating na taga-Meralco. Pagbukas ng pinto, sabi ng collector, "Ale, delayed ho kayo ng isang buwan." "Kanino mo nalaman ito?" tanong ni Babi. "Nandito ho nakasulat sa records namin," sagot ng taga-Meralco. "Talaga? Nakasulat sa records ninyo?"
Sa sumunod na araw, si TonTon ay sumugod sa Meralco at galit na galit pagdating sa counter:
"Paano niyo nalaman na delayed ng isang buwan ang misis ko? "Konting pasensya lang. Kung gusto niyong mawala sa records namin ito, magbayad na lang kayo," sagot ng isang empleyado.
"Eh, kung ayaw kong magbayad?" tanong ni TonTon.
"Puputulan ho kayo," sagot ng empleyado.
"Kung puputulan ako, anong gagamitin ng misis ko?"
"Pwede naman siyang gumamit ng kandila di ba?" nyahaha

There was this Pinay named Maria who was born and raised in Olongapo
City. She met her husband, John while he was stationed at Subic Bay
Naval Base.
Maria doesn't have an excellent command of the English language, but
she and John manage to communicate. One day, Maria decided to cook a
big dinner for John, so she called John up at work and told him to
come home straight from work.
John and his co-workers had been working long hours trying to finish
up a project their admiral had assigned weeks ago, so they were
excited to finally finish it. They decided to go to the ship's chow
hall to celebrate.
When John came home around midnight , he realized he forgot about the
dinner that Maria had made for him. As Maria came out of the kitchen,
John began to explain.
John: "Honey, I'm really sorry. The guys decided to celebrate a little
bit, so we ended up eating at the ship."
Maria: " Ah, like ! that, ha? I cook the house for you, you eat the ship! "
John: "Honey, I'm really sorry."
Maria: " Ahh! Don't sorry to me! From now, you do your do, I do my do!
You harden there! "
[Maria's Tagalog translation] Ah, ganon ha? Pinagluto kita dito sa
bahay, kumain ka naman sa barko! Mula ngayon, gawin mo ang gusto mong
gawin, gagawin ko ang gusto kong gawin! MANIGAS KA DIYAN!
This is Maria's story. If you didn't find it as funny, oh well...
YOU HARDEN THERE!