joke joke joke
+10
mark_simplicidad
francisden
rambo
allet_29
karasu
wannabemysekirei
solwaysta
mclixill
jiloh-shi
jiloh-live
14 posters
Page 6 of 7
Page 6 of 7 • 
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
Di to joke..post ko na lang..
by solwaysta Tue Jan 13, 2009 2:57 pm
KUWENTONG TUNAY NA KABABALIWAN
paclick po nung spoiler..
THE END
paclick po nung spoiler..
- Spoiler:
LINGGO noon. Nakatakda ang araw na 'yon para
sa date namin ng
girlfiend kong si Maji. Pero tumawag s'ya sa 'kin at
sinabing cancel muna ang date dahil sasamahan
niya daw
ang kanyang tita sa isang importanteng lakad.
Sabi ko okay lang,
naintindihan ko. Subalit dahil wala akong magawa
sa bahay at talagang
bored ako noon, ako na lang ang pumunta sa mall
at nanood ng sine
mag-isa. Libang na libang ako sa paggagala sa
mall, di ko alam na iyon
na
pala ang katapusan ng mundo.
Pagpasok ko sa entrada ng sinehan, nagulat ako
sa nakita sa may snack
bar. Si Maji! At may kasama siya--hindi ang
kanyang tita--kundi isang
lalaki. Nakaakbay pa ito sa kanya. Shocked ako
pero ganunpaman, gusto
kong ipaalam sa kanya na nandoon ako at nahuli
ko siya. Pero di man
lamang s'ya nagulat nang makita ako. Relaxed
s'ya at nakangiti pang
sinabi sa 'kin: "Tapos na ang lahat sa atin." "Ha?"
Di na 'ko
nakapagsalita.
Gusto kong magalit sa kanya. Gusto kong sapakin
ang lalaki. Gusto kong
umiyak.
Pero kinimkim ko ang lahat ng aking naramdaman
at sinabing "Wala akong
magagawa...basta kung saan ka masaya.."
Tumalikod ako agad at pumasok sa loob ng
sinehan. Doon ko ibinuhos
ang lahat ng pinigilan kong lumabas sa aking mga
mata. Komedi ang palabas at nagtatawanan ang
mga tao sa paligid
ko ngunit ako nama'y abala sa pagdadrama sa
aking kinauupuan.
Natapos ang pelikula na di ko naintindihan ang
istorya. Wala ako sa
sarili hanggang sa pag-uwi ko sa boarding house.
Kinabukasan, nagdesisyon akong umuwi sa
probinsiya namin upang
makalimot. Mataas ang araw noon at mainit ang
biyahe, pero wala pa
ring tigil ang ulan at bagyo sa aking mga mata.
Mabigat pa sa aking mga bagahe ang dinadala ko
sa aking
dibdib. Kahit na wala pa kaming isang taon ni Maji,
masakit pa rin sa
'kin ang
nangyari dahil mahal ko talaga s'ya. Di pa man
nakakalabas ng
Maynila ang bus na aking sinasakyan, bigla kong
naisip na bumaba.
Wala nang silbi pang mabuhay kaya naisip kong
magpakamatay na lang.
Inakyat ko ang isang billboard ng GMA7 kung
saan nakalarawan dito ang
final 14 ng Starstruck. Dream, believe,
survive. "Kagaguhan!" sabi
ko. "Tingnan ko lang kung makaka-survive pa 'ko
pag tumalon ako mula
rito...
maliban na lang kung may pipigil." Pero wala
ngang pumigil. Dahil
walang nagmamalasakit.
Walang nagmamahal. Tumalon ako. "
Aaaahhh...blag!"
Nabagok ang aking ulo sa gulong ng trak ng
MMDA na sa mga oras na 'yon
ay nagsasagawa ng wet flag scheme. Hindi naman
ako namatay.
Wala lang akong maalala pagbangon ko. "Sino
ako? Anong ginagawa ko
rito?"
tanong ko sa sarili ko. Nagka-amnesia ako.
Mula noon ay nagpalaboy-laboy ako sa lansangan.
Sa ilalim ng overpass
ako natutulog at doo'y madalas na ka-jamming ko
ang mga taong-grasa at mga rugby boys.
Namalimos ako sa daan,
papunas-punas ng mga sapatos ng pasahero ng
jeep, o kaya'y
humihingi ng 'love offering' sa mga pasahero ng
bus. Umasenso naman
ako hanggang sa makapagtinda na 'ko ng fishball,
squidball, at
kwek-kwek.
Kung anu-anong trabaho ang pinasukan ko para
lang may maipanlaman sa
kumukulo kong tiyan. Nagbenta rin ako ng mga
pirated na CD,
VCD, at DVD. Pero di pa rin sapat ang kinikita ko
sa pagbebenta ng mga
produkto kaya ibenenta ko na rin pati ang aking
sariling laman.
Nagpagamit ako sa kung sinu-sinong bakla at mga
matrona. Kumita ako ng
malaki. Subalit sadyang malupit sa akin ang
tadhana dahil sa isang
iglap ay nawala lahat ng aking pinaghirapan.
Nadukot ang wallet ko
nang makipagsiksikan ako sa libing ni FPJ.
Nalungkot akong lubha at nawalan ng pag-asang
makabangon pang muli.
Nang biglang tumunog ang cellphone ko. May nag-
text. Sabi sa message,
ang Oracle
daw ang tanging makapagbabalik sa aking alaala.
Nag-reply ako: hu u?
Pero di na s'ya nag-text back. Di ko alam kung
saan ko hahanapin si
Oracle.
Nilibot ko ang kamaynilaan. Ipina-blotter sa pulis.
Ngunit kahit anino
ni Oracle
o ni Madam Auring ay di ko nakita.
Naisip kong baka wala s'ya sa siyudad kaya
pumunta ako sa mga
probinsiya. Nakarating ako sa kabundukan ng
Quezon Province pero mga
illegal loggers lang ang nadatnan ko. Nilisan ko
ang lugar na 'yon at
sa pagbaba ko ng bundok, nasalubong ko ang
mga nagtatakbuhang...
hobbits! -- sina Frodo, Samwise, Merry, Pippin, at
si... Dagul yata
ang pangalan ng isa. Hinahabol daw sila, hindi ng
mga ringwraiths
kundi mga.. battle droids ng Starwars! "Huh?!
Ano 'to?!! Nasa'n ba
ako?!!!" Sa sobrang lito ay nakitakbo na rin ako.
Napakaraming kalaban. Libo-libong droids.
Kakampi pa yata
nila ang mga robot sa I, Robot.
Mabuti na lang at dumating ang mga astig na
superheroes: sina
Superman, Batman, Spiderman, Daredevil, Blade,
Van Helsing, Elektra,
X-Men, Charlie's Angels, Powerpuff Girls, the
Incredibles, Voltes V,
Mulawin, Capt. Barbell, Darna, Volta, Krystala,
Lastikman, Panday,
Andres Bonifacio...marami pang iba.
Madaling natalo ang mga kalaban. Subalit...
sugatan si Frodo. May
tama siya. At may iniabot siya sa akin --isang
singsing! May elvish
inscriptions dito na sa tingin ko'y hindi kayang i-
decode kahit ni
Dan Brown. Pero bago pa man malagutan ng
hininga si Frodo, nasabi
niya sa akin ang kahulugan ng nakasulat: "God
will never leave you
empty. He will replace everything you lost. If He
asks you to put
something down, it's because He wants you to
pick up something better
and best for you." Inilagay ko ang singsing sa
bulsa ng aking
pantalon at nangakong iingatan ko iyon.
Samantala, nagdiwang ang mga superheroes sa
pagtatagumpay. Gumimik
sila sa Libis at nag-inuman. Sasama sana ako
pero sabi ko kailangan
kong umuwi ng bahay dahil ending na ng Lovers in
Paris.
Pero naalala ko na may amnesia pala ako at di ko
alam
kung saan ako nakatira kaya sumama na rin ako.
Habang nagdi-disco
ang Justice League kasama ang Marvel
superheroes, nagtugtugan at
nagkantahan naman ang mga anime' heroes.
Panalo sa Japan!
May ledge dancing pa sina Wonder Woman,
Catwoman, Black Mamba, at
Sailor Moon!
Pero di rin kami nagtagal sa lugar na 'yon. May
nagyaya kasi na
pumunta sa Baywalk dahil may show daw doon
ang The Bodies.
Ang saya-saya! Idagdag mo na lang si Kuya
Germs, kahit wala nang
tulugan!
Subalit naudlot ang kasayahang iyon nang biglang
lumindol... at mula sa Manila Bay ay dumating ang
isang
dambuhalang... TSUNAMI!!! Swooossshhh!!!
Naitaboy ang mga
superheroes. Hindi nakayanan ng kanilang powers
na pigilin ang dumating
na
sakuna. Mabilis na bumaha ang paligid at nalunod
kaming lahat. Oo, pati
sina Aquaman, Marina, at Nemo. Patay kaming
lahat. Dumilim ang
kapaligiran. Katahimikan.
"Gising! Gising!" Isang tinig ng lalaki ang
narinig ko. Pagdilat ko, nakita ko ang isang
lalaki. "May tiket na po
ba
kayo? Sa'n po kayo bababa?"
"Huh?!" nagulat ako. Kunduktor pala iyon ng bus.
Panaginip lang pala ang lahat! Nasa bus pa pala
ako at pauwi ng
probinsiya. "Sa Tarlac po," sabi ko sa kanya pero
ang mga mata
ko'y nakatitig sa kanyang t-shirt na may nakasulat
na "the Oracle".
Parang narinig ko pa si Morpheus na
bumubulong: "Welcome to the
real world..."
Buhay pa ako. May pamilya at mga kaibigang
nagmamahal sa akin. May
tirahang nauuwian, may magandang hanapbuhay,
at... virgin pa 'ko!
Habang nasa biyahe, naisip ko, napakababaw na
dahilan pala ang iwan
ka ng boyfriend o girlfriend mo para
magpakamatay
ka. I have to stand up and move on. Lalaki ako at
di dapat ako
maging mahina. Di dapat ako maging tanga para
sa isang gaga at
walang kwentang babae. Naisip ko rin na mabuti
na rin ang nangyari at
nakilala ko nang maaga ang tunay niyang kulay
bago pa man humaba
ang relasyon namin. Hindi siya ang karapat-dapat
sa akin.
Nasa gate na'ko ng aming bahay nang may
tumawag sa aking pangalan. Si
Rizi, kababata ko, kapitbahay namin. Sabi niya
umalis daw ang lahat
ng tao sa bahay namin at iniwan sa kanya ang
susi. Nang abutin ko ang susi sa kanya, doon ko
lang s'ya nakaharap
nang malapitan at doon ko rin lang napansin na
maganda pala siya.
Matapos akong magpasalamat ay sinuklian
n'ya 'ko ng isang matamis na
ngiti.
(Cue: new Coca-cola theme song)
Pagpasok sa bahay, diretso agad ako sa banyo
upang makapaghilamos.
Maginaw sa loob ng banyo at malamig ang tubig.
Pero may naramdaman akong mainit na bagay sa
bulsa ng aking
pantalon. Dinukot ko ito at nakita ko ang isang...
singsing.
THE END
solwaysta- Admin
- Number of posts : 1359
Age : 114
Job/hobbies : papampam
status : ..wala..
Registration date : 2008-11-06 -
mclixill- klasmeyt mod
- Number of posts : 403
Age : 36
Job/hobbies : secret
status : My Sweetest Whatever!!!
Registration date : 2008-11-06 -
Re: joke joke joke
by jepoy22 Thu Jan 15, 2009 8:34 am
try lng medyo korny wahihih
where we were made
Nay? bakit po VICTORIA ang name ni ate?
Kasi anak dun namin siya ginawa ng itay mo...
Eh bakit si kuya, ANITO?
Ay, tumigil ka na nga LUNETA at baka mapalo kita! tawagin mo na si kuya FX mo!
where we were made
Nay? bakit po VICTORIA ang name ni ate?
Kasi anak dun namin siya ginawa ng itay mo...
Eh bakit si kuya, ANITO?
Ay, tumigil ka na nga LUNETA at baka mapalo kita! tawagin mo na si kuya FX mo!
jepoy22- klasmeyt *
- Number of posts : 267
Age : 38
Job/hobbies : content editor/playing OL games reading
status : !n!,c\",).!n!
Registration date : 2008-11-13
solwaysta- Admin
- Number of posts : 1359
Age : 114
Job/hobbies : papampam
status : ..wala..
Registration date : 2008-11-06 -
Re: joke joke joke
by mclixill Fri Jan 16, 2009 1:31 pm
joke lang
- Spoiler:
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions.
"Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead".
"OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?"
GOD says, "So you would like them."
"OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?"
"So you would LOVE them", GOD replies.
The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?"
GOD says, "So they would love you!"
pis out
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.
As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.
"The bottle has a hole in it!"
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan.
"And it's missing three keys,"
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."
mclixill- klasmeyt mod
- Number of posts : 403
Age : 36
Job/hobbies : secret
status : My Sweetest Whatever!!!
Registration date : 2008-11-06 -
Boy Ngongo
by solwaysta Fri Jan 23, 2009 1:33 pm
Tinawag ni Inay si Boy, ang batang ngo-ngo. "Boy, magpunta ka sa tindahan ni Aling Petra at bumili ka ng isang latang Pork & Beans."
"Omo, inay," ang sagot ni Boy.
Pagdating ni Boy sa tindahan ay binati niya ang tindera, "Aning Metra,ngamuta na mo ngayo?(Kamusta na po kayo?)"
"Mabuti naman," ang sagot ni Petra, "ano ang kailangan mo Boy?"
"Mangmilan nga mo ng inang lata ng Mo e Meen?" ang tanong ni Boy.
"Ano kamo, Boy? sabi ni Petra. "Isa mong Mo e Meen," ang ulit ni Boy.
"Paki-ulit nga Boy at hindi kita maintindihan."
"Mo e Meen, Mo e Meen, nyung nata lata."
"Hindi talaga kita maintindihan. Mabuti pa kaya ay i-spell mo na lang sa akin."
"O ninge. Mo e Meen. Netter Mi."
"Letter 'B'?" Ang tanong ng tindera.
"Ine! Netter Mi as in Minimines."
"Ha???"
"Mi!" Kinanta ni Boy ang alphabet, "Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee..En, Em, En, O, Mi"
"Ahhh, P! Letter P!" ang masiglang sagot ni Petra.
"Oo. Mi! Mo e Meen!"
"Sige ituloy mo Boy. 'P'..."
"Ngo!"
"Ano kamo?"
Kumanta ulit, "Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee... En, Em, En, O"
"Ahhh, titik O! P-O. Sige ituloy mo pa."
"Netter Arrng!"
"Kantahin mo na lang ulit Boy."
"Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee... En, Em, En, O, Mi, Ngyu, Arrng."
"Ahhh! Letter R. Malapit na. 'P-O-R'?
Hindi ko pa rin makuha,Boy. Anong letter and susunod?"
"Ngey."
"Letter A?"
"Ini ho," sabay buntung-hininga si Boy. "Ngey!
A, Ma, Nga (A-Ba-Ka-Da ang kinanta)! Nga!"
"Ka! Letter 'K' 'P-O-R-K' Ahhh Pork!!!"
"Oo. Mo e Meen"
"Pork and?" Ang tanong ni Petra.
"Oo!! Mo e Meen!!!"
"Pork and Meen? Ahhhh!!! Alam ko na!!!
Pork and Beans!!!"
"Oo! Oo!! Mo e Meen!! Mo e Meen!!!!"
ang masayang sigaw ni Boy.
"Pork and Beans pala ang kailangan mo!!!"
"Oo. Mo e Meen!
"Ay, naku... wala!
"Omo, inay," ang sagot ni Boy.
Pagdating ni Boy sa tindahan ay binati niya ang tindera, "Aning Metra,ngamuta na mo ngayo?(Kamusta na po kayo?)"
"Mabuti naman," ang sagot ni Petra, "ano ang kailangan mo Boy?"
"Mangmilan nga mo ng inang lata ng Mo e Meen?" ang tanong ni Boy.
"Ano kamo, Boy? sabi ni Petra. "Isa mong Mo e Meen," ang ulit ni Boy.
"Paki-ulit nga Boy at hindi kita maintindihan."
"Mo e Meen, Mo e Meen, nyung nata lata."
"Hindi talaga kita maintindihan. Mabuti pa kaya ay i-spell mo na lang sa akin."
"O ninge. Mo e Meen. Netter Mi."
"Letter 'B'?" Ang tanong ng tindera.
"Ine! Netter Mi as in Minimines."
"Ha???"
"Mi!" Kinanta ni Boy ang alphabet, "Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee..En, Em, En, O, Mi"
"Ahhh, P! Letter P!" ang masiglang sagot ni Petra.
"Oo. Mi! Mo e Meen!"
"Sige ituloy mo Boy. 'P'..."
"Ngo!"
"Ano kamo?"
Kumanta ulit, "Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee... En, Em, En, O"
"Ahhh, titik O! P-O. Sige ituloy mo pa."
"Netter Arrng!"
"Kantahin mo na lang ulit Boy."
"Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee... En, Em, En, O, Mi, Ngyu, Arrng."
"Ahhh! Letter R. Malapit na. 'P-O-R'?
Hindi ko pa rin makuha,Boy. Anong letter and susunod?"
"Ngey."
"Letter A?"
"Ini ho," sabay buntung-hininga si Boy. "Ngey!
A, Ma, Nga (A-Ba-Ka-Da ang kinanta)! Nga!"
"Ka! Letter 'K' 'P-O-R-K' Ahhh Pork!!!"
"Oo. Mo e Meen"
"Pork and?" Ang tanong ni Petra.
"Oo!! Mo e Meen!!!"
"Pork and Meen? Ahhhh!!! Alam ko na!!!
Pork and Beans!!!"
"Oo! Oo!! Mo e Meen!! Mo e Meen!!!!"
ang masayang sigaw ni Boy.
"Pork and Beans pala ang kailangan mo!!!"
"Oo. Mo e Meen!
"Ay, naku... wala!
solwaysta- Admin
- Number of posts : 1359
Age : 114
Job/hobbies : papampam
status : ..wala..
Registration date : 2008-11-06 -
Mukamo..
by solwaysta Fri Jan 30, 2009 10:53 am
Paclick ng spoiler
- Spoiler:
Three Feelings:
What is the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when your wife is pregnant,
Tension is when your girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.
BALIW (tumawag sa mental hospital): Hello... may tao po ba sa Room 168?
Telephone Operator: Wala po, bakit?
Baliw: Check ko lang kung nakatakas talaga ako!
Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw na sana ang bahala sa lahat-lahat. .. I LOVE YOU!
Wife: Tumigil ka! wala pang namamatay sa TULI!
Erap dreamed that he died and went to heaven. St. Peter gave him Ai-ai delas Alas as partner, saying, 'Kung mabait ka sana , mas maganda ang partner mo.' Erap saw Chavit with Gretchen Barretto and said, 'Bakit si Chavit, mas madaming kasalanan, si Gretchen ang partner?' St. Peter: Iho, parusa yan kay Gretchen.
Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave your previous job?"
Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"
Why did Erap shoot his wife when he bought a house?
Because the contract reads: 'Execute all 3 copies together with your wife...'
Ano ang nagpasikat kay Erap? Wristband.
Ano ang magpapayaman kay Abalos? Broadband.
Ano ang magpapabagsak kay GMA? Husband!
JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari?
ERAP: ? (di nagsasalita)
JUDGE: Sumagot ka sa tanong.
ERAP: Naman eh!!! Kala ko ba hearing lang to??? Bakit may speaking?
BF: May ibibigay akong gift sayo, pero hulaan mo muna!
GF: Sige, clue naman...
BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.
GF: Kwintas?
BF: Hindi... PANGHILOD!
Kumpisal...
Lalaki: Kasalanan ho bang ikaskas ko ang ari ko sa ari ng tsimay namin? Kaskas lang ho, hindi ko ipinasok.
Pari: Pag kaskas, para mo na ring ipinasok.
Lalaki: Ganoon ho ba? Ikakaskas ko na lang ang pera ko sa donation box. Parehas lang pala iyon!
Juan: Birthday ng asawa ko...
Pedro: Ano regalo mo?
Juan: Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
Pedro: Ano naman sinabi?
Juan: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
Pedro: Ano binigay mo?
Juan: Baraha.
Old man: Can you give me an erection?
Faith Healer: I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I can even cure cancer. But, I'm sorry I cannot raise the "dead".
I thought my life is lonely till I saw a man with no arms but happily shakes his body.
I asked him: "You don't have an arm, why are you! so happy?"
He answered: "di ako happy, makati lang itlog ko!"
solwaysta- Admin
- Number of posts : 1359
Age : 114
Job/hobbies : papampam
status : ..wala..
Registration date : 2008-11-06 -
Kurne
by solwaysta Fri Feb 06, 2009 9:07 am
paclick ng spoiler..
- Spoiler:
Three Feelings:
What is the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when your wife is pregnant,
Tension is when your girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.
BALIW (tumawag sa mental hospital): Hello... may tao po ba sa Room 168?
Telephone Operator: Wala po, bakit?
Baliw: Check ko lang kung nakatakas talaga ako!
Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw na sana ang bahala sa lahat-lahat. .. I LOVE YOU!
Wife: Tumigil ka! wala pang namamatay sa TULI!
Erap dreamed that he died and went to heaven. St. Peter gave him Ai-ai delas Alas as partner, saying, 'Kung mabait ka sana , mas maganda ang partner mo.' Erap saw Chavit with Gretchen Barretto and said, 'Bakit si Chavit, mas madaming kasalanan, si Gretchen ang partner?' St. Peter: Iho, parusa yan kay Gretchen.
Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave your previous job?"
Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"
Why did Erap shoot his wife when he bought a house?
Because the contract reads: 'Execute all 3 copies together with your wife...'
Ano ang nagpasikat kay Erap? Wristband.
Ano ang magpapayaman kay Abalos? Broadband.
Ano ang magpapabagsak kay GMA? Husband!
JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari?
ERAP: ? (di nagsasalita)
JUDGE: Sumagot ka sa tanong.
ERAP: Naman eh!!! Kala ko ba hearing lang to??? Bakit may speaking?
BF: May ibibigay akong gift sayo, pero hulaan mo muna!
GF: Sige, clue naman...
BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.
GF: Kwintas?
BF: Hindi... PANGHILOD!
Kumpisal...
Lalaki: Kasalanan ho bang ikaskas ko ang ari ko sa ari ng tsimay namin? Kaskas lang ho, hindi ko ipinasok.
Pari: Pag kaskas, para mo na ring ipinasok.
Lalaki: Ganoon ho ba? Ikakaskas ko na lang ang pera ko sa donation box. Parehas lang pala iyon!
Juan: Birthday ng asawa ko...
Pedro: Ano regalo mo?
Juan: Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
Pedro: Ano naman sinabi?
Juan: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
Pedro: Ano binigay mo?
Juan: Baraha.
Old man: Can you give me an erection?
Faith Healer: I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I can even cure cancer. But, I'm sorry I cannot raise the "dead".
I thought my life is lonely till I saw a man with no arms but happily shakes his body.
I asked him: "You don't have an arm, why are you! so happy?"
He answered: "di ako happy, makati lang itlog ko!"
solwaysta- Admin
- Number of posts : 1359
Age : 114
Job/hobbies : papampam
status : ..wala..
Registration date : 2008-11-06 -
The More Intelligent Candidate
by solwaysta Mon May 18, 2009 5:41 pm
This incident supposedly happened before the "ERAP PRESIDENCY".
The most intelligent the "presidentiable"(Pinoy term for preisential candidates),
Miriam Santiago, has challenged the least intelligent presidentiable to
a televised debate.
To make things interesting, Miriam says that every time she asks Erap a question
which he cannot answer, Erap has to pay Miriam five pesos. BUT if Erap asks Miriam
a question which she cannot answer, Miriam has to give Erap five thousand pesos.
Miriam asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?
" Erap doesn't say a word, reaches for his wallet, pulls out a five-peso bill and
hands it to Miriam.
Now, it's his turn. He asks Miriam: "What goes up a hill with three legs,
and comes down with four?" Miriam looks at him with a puzzled look.
She whips out her laptop computer and searches all her references.
She taps into the phone with her modem and searches the Net.
Frustrated, she sends E-mails to all her aides, assistants, and friends.
All to no avail.
After over an hour, she admits defeat and hands Erap five 1000-peso bills.
Erap says nothing, but politely accepts the P5,000 and turns away to go home.
Miriam is a poor sport and demands from Erap, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"
Without a word, Erap pulls out his wallet and gives Miriam another five pesos....
The most intelligent the "presidentiable"(Pinoy term for preisential candidates),
Miriam Santiago, has challenged the least intelligent presidentiable to
a televised debate.
To make things interesting, Miriam says that every time she asks Erap a question
which he cannot answer, Erap has to pay Miriam five pesos. BUT if Erap asks Miriam
a question which she cannot answer, Miriam has to give Erap five thousand pesos.
Miriam asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?
" Erap doesn't say a word, reaches for his wallet, pulls out a five-peso bill and
hands it to Miriam.
Now, it's his turn. He asks Miriam: "What goes up a hill with three legs,
and comes down with four?" Miriam looks at him with a puzzled look.
She whips out her laptop computer and searches all her references.
She taps into the phone with her modem and searches the Net.
Frustrated, she sends E-mails to all her aides, assistants, and friends.
All to no avail.
After over an hour, she admits defeat and hands Erap five 1000-peso bills.
Erap says nothing, but politely accepts the P5,000 and turns away to go home.
Miriam is a poor sport and demands from Erap, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"
Without a word, Erap pulls out his wallet and gives Miriam another five pesos....
solwaysta- Admin
- Number of posts : 1359
Age : 114
Job/hobbies : papampam
status : ..wala..
Registration date : 2008-11-06 -
jepoy22- klasmeyt *
- Number of posts : 267
Age : 38
Job/hobbies : content editor/playing OL games reading
status : !n!,c\",).!n!
Registration date : 2008-11-13
Re: joke joke joke
by solwaysta Tue May 19, 2009 9:18 am
On his arrival in San Francisco. ERAP notices a long queue in th immigration
area. He glances and sees a shorter queue that read... "OLYMPIC ATHLETES
ONLY". "Aba, doon na ako pipila...hehe" He instructs his aides to
look for sport props.
The first aide, carrying a hubcap, goes through. His excuse...DISCUS thrower.
ERAP: "Aba ayos yon ah!"
The second aide also goes through with a mop pole. His excuse...JAVELIN thrower.
ERAP: "Aba...mahusay din." "Teka muna, presidente ako ng Pilipins. Dapat hindi
basta basta lang ang sports ko!! Dapat cultured ng konti." He goes around and
finds a bundle of barbed wire.
"Ayos ito...tamang tama." He goes directly to the immigration area.
Immigration Officer: "Sorry sir, this queue is only for athletes...What's
your excuse?"
ERAP: Showing him the barbed wire with a wide grin..."FENCING!"
area. He glances and sees a shorter queue that read... "OLYMPIC ATHLETES
ONLY". "Aba, doon na ako pipila...hehe" He instructs his aides to
look for sport props.
The first aide, carrying a hubcap, goes through. His excuse...DISCUS thrower.
ERAP: "Aba ayos yon ah!"
The second aide also goes through with a mop pole. His excuse...JAVELIN thrower.
ERAP: "Aba...mahusay din." "Teka muna, presidente ako ng Pilipins. Dapat hindi
basta basta lang ang sports ko!! Dapat cultured ng konti." He goes around and
finds a bundle of barbed wire.
"Ayos ito...tamang tama." He goes directly to the immigration area.
Immigration Officer: "Sorry sir, this queue is only for athletes...What's
your excuse?"
ERAP: Showing him the barbed wire with a wide grin..."FENCING!"
solwaysta- Admin
- Number of posts : 1359
Age : 114
Job/hobbies : papampam
status : ..wala..
Registration date : 2008-11-06 -
jepoy22- klasmeyt *
- Number of posts : 267
Age : 38
Job/hobbies : content editor/playing OL games reading
status : !n!,c\",).!n!
Registration date : 2008-11-13
Re: joke joke joke
by solwaysta Mon May 25, 2009 10:00 am
The Russian president is in Manila on a state visit. Driving
into Malacañang with Erap, he sees a man peeing against the wall.
He says, "In Russia we send people to the prison camps in Siberia,
the coldest part of Russia, for doing that."
A year later the its President Erap turn for a state visit
to Russia. Driving into the Kremlin in Moscow they see a man peeing
against the wall. He says to the Russian president, "I thought you send
people to the prison camps for doing that."
"I wish I could, but I can't", said the Russian president, "that's
the Philippine Ambassador."
into Malacañang with Erap, he sees a man peeing against the wall.
He says, "In Russia we send people to the prison camps in Siberia,
the coldest part of Russia, for doing that."
A year later the its President Erap turn for a state visit
to Russia. Driving into the Kremlin in Moscow they see a man peeing
against the wall. He says to the Russian president, "I thought you send
people to the prison camps for doing that."
"I wish I could, but I can't", said the Russian president, "that's
the Philippine Ambassador."
solwaysta- Admin
- Number of posts : 1359
Age : 114
Job/hobbies : papampam
status : ..wala..
Registration date : 2008-11-06 -
jepoy22- klasmeyt *
- Number of posts : 267
Age : 38
Job/hobbies : content editor/playing OL games reading
status : !n!,c\",).!n!
Registration date : 2008-11-13
Re: joke joke joke
by solwaysta Tue May 26, 2009 9:40 am
As Erap's Driver test drive it.
Driver to Erap: Sir, pweding pakitingin kung umiilaw yung parking light
(as driver switches on the parking light)
Erap: OK, its ON! Gumagana.
Driver: Sir, yung headlights, umiilaw ba? (as driver switches on the headlights)
Erap: OK rin, its ON! Gumagana.
Driver: Sir yung signal light pakitingin? (as driver switches on the signal light)
Erap: Gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw.......
Driver to Erap: Sir, pweding pakitingin kung umiilaw yung parking light
(as driver switches on the parking light)
Erap: OK, its ON! Gumagana.
Driver: Sir, yung headlights, umiilaw ba? (as driver switches on the headlights)
Erap: OK rin, its ON! Gumagana.
Driver: Sir yung signal light pakitingin? (as driver switches on the signal light)
Erap: Gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw.......
solwaysta- Admin
- Number of posts : 1359
Age : 114
Job/hobbies : papampam
status : ..wala..
Registration date : 2008-11-06 -
jepoy22- klasmeyt *
- Number of posts : 267
Age : 38
Job/hobbies : content editor/playing OL games reading
status : !n!,c\",).!n!
Registration date : 2008-11-13
Re: joke joke joke
by solwaysta Wed May 27, 2009 10:02 am
FVR, Cory and Erap, are about to be executed in front of
a firing squad. Each of them is blinfolded and given the chance
to call upon the forces of nature to save them. The executioner
starts the countdown: "10, 9, 8,....".
FVR shouts, "Flood!". In a sudden, a big wave came. FVR was able
to escape because of the commotion.
It's Cory's turn. She shouts: "Earchquake!". The people watching
the execution panicked. She was able to escape.
Erap was wondering what calamity to call. The executioner started
counting again: "10, 9, 8, 7....". Erap had a mental block. "5, 4, 3, 2, 1..."
Erap shouted: "Fire!".
a firing squad. Each of them is blinfolded and given the chance
to call upon the forces of nature to save them. The executioner
starts the countdown: "10, 9, 8,....".
FVR shouts, "Flood!". In a sudden, a big wave came. FVR was able
to escape because of the commotion.
It's Cory's turn. She shouts: "Earchquake!". The people watching
the execution panicked. She was able to escape.
Erap was wondering what calamity to call. The executioner started
counting again: "10, 9, 8, 7....". Erap had a mental block. "5, 4, 3, 2, 1..."
Erap shouted: "Fire!".
solwaysta- Admin
- Number of posts : 1359
Age : 114
Job/hobbies : papampam
status : ..wala..
Registration date : 2008-11-06 -
Define Logic
by solwaysta Thu Jun 11, 2009 1:00 pm
1 day, Erap saw Cory reading a buk on logic,
- Spoiler:
- Mahirap ata yang binabsa mo?
- No,Logic lang to madali lang. - Ano b yang logic, d ko ata alam? - Ganito lng yan. My aquarium ka ba sa haus? - Oo - Kung mei aquarium ka, eh d mhilig k sa isda? - Oo - At kung mahilig ka s isda mahilig k rin sa dagat? - Oo - kung mahilig ka sa dagat,gus2 mo go sa beach? - Oo - Kung mahilig ka go sa beach,mahilig ka sa babaeng naka-bathing suit - OoKung - mahilig ka sa seksing babaeng nakabathing suit, lalakeng lalake ka? - Oo - At kung lalakeng lalake ka, eh dimacho ka? - Oo - Kita mo na,ganyan lang ang logic! - Ok pla yang logic n yan ah!
D next day, Erap saw Piolo Pascual. - Piolo, subukan ko lng itong itinuro sa aking logic ni Cory.
- Cge nga po! - Me aquarium ka ba sa haus? - Wala. - Bakla ka nga
solwaysta- Admin
- Number of posts : 1359
Age : 114
Job/hobbies : papampam
status : ..wala..
Registration date : 2008-11-06 -
joke pa ton ton 
Kogure- grp moderator
- Number of posts : 253
Age : 38
Job/hobbies : Online Gaming
status : LET THEM BE ^_^
Registration date : 2008-11-06 -
Re: joke joke joke
by solwaysta Mon Aug 03, 2009 6:03 pm
hehe..wala na kasi bumibisita..tatamad na 2loy ako.
solwaysta- Admin
- Number of posts : 1359
Age : 114
Job/hobbies : papampam
status : ..wala..
Registration date : 2008-11-06 -
Re: joke joke joke
by Kogure Mon Aug 03, 2009 6:47 pm
anu ba nangyari sa mga tau d2? subrang bc n ba?
Kogure- grp moderator
- Number of posts : 253
Age : 38
Job/hobbies : Online Gaming
status : LET THEM BE ^_^
Registration date : 2008-11-06 -
solwaysta- Admin
- Number of posts : 1359
Age : 114
Job/hobbies : papampam
status : ..wala..
Registration date : 2008-11-06 -
Re: joke joke joke
by solwaysta Fri Aug 28, 2009 10:55 am
bakit sikat si SADAKO?
kasi lumalabas sha sa TV!
kasi lumalabas sha sa TV!
solwaysta- Admin
- Number of posts : 1359
Age : 114
Job/hobbies : papampam
status : ..wala..
Registration date : 2008-11-06 -
Re: joke joke joke
by solwaysta Fri Aug 28, 2009 11:13 am
Telephone
Isang araw na naglilinis ang katulong nang bigla na lang na nag-ring ang telepono.
Amo: Paki sagot nga Inday ang telepono?
Katulong: Yis sir
Katulong: Hello - hello - hello (walang marinig na boses kasi baligtad ang hawak sa receiver)
Amo: (napansin ng amo na baligtad): BALIGTARIN MO
Katulong: LLO - HE - LLO-HE - LLO- HE
Amo: (galit na galit na) : Hindi yan, ang ibig kong sabihin na baligtarin mo yung TELEPHONE...
Katulong: PHONE-TELE , PHONE-TELE , PHONE-TELE...
Isang araw na naglilinis ang katulong nang bigla na lang na nag-ring ang telepono.
Amo: Paki sagot nga Inday ang telepono?
Katulong: Yis sir
Katulong: Hello - hello - hello (walang marinig na boses kasi baligtad ang hawak sa receiver)
Amo: (napansin ng amo na baligtad): BALIGTARIN MO
Katulong: LLO - HE - LLO-HE - LLO- HE
Amo: (galit na galit na) : Hindi yan, ang ibig kong sabihin na baligtarin mo yung TELEPHONE...
Katulong: PHONE-TELE , PHONE-TELE , PHONE-TELE...
solwaysta- Admin
- Number of posts : 1359
Age : 114
Job/hobbies : papampam
status : ..wala..
Registration date : 2008-11-06 -
Re: joke joke joke
by solwaysta Fri Aug 28, 2009 11:21 am
ano ang pangalan ni jolina nung bata pa sya????
.............................eh di..............................
jupot pa!!
.............................eh di..............................
jupot pa!!
solwaysta- Admin
- Number of posts : 1359
Age : 114
Job/hobbies : papampam
status : ..wala..
Registration date : 2008-11-06 -
Page 6 of 7 • 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
Page 6 of 7
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum